The next day when I came in to work, I stopped by to see a good friend, Katherine Miles, and shared my worries with her.  I trust her and shared a lot of things with her that I cannot share with other people at work.  As soon she heard my concern, she was asking and pushing me to make an appointment with my Gynecologist.  I didn’t make the appointment for 2 days.  Katherine constantly came to my cubicle and checked to see if I made my appointment yet.  So I did. 
When I met with the doctor he asked me all kinds of questions about how old was I when I got my first period? Was there any family background of Breast Cancer? When did I have my first child?  Did I breast feed him?  Based on my answers, he said I would be ok.  What I felt was probably the dense milk in the milk glands.  The doctor and I both know that I do not qualify for a mammogram to for another 10 years.  Our health insurance only pays for a mammogram if I am 40yrs or older.  But we both agreed that I should have a mammogram done.  A mammogram was scheduled for a week later.  At first the mammogram showed that I had a lot of cysts in both breasts and they also found a solid lump in my right breast where I was able to feel it.  An ultrasound was ordered right away to confirm the mammogram.  At this point I didn’t think much about it.  About a week later, my gynecologist’s office called me and asked me to take the results from the mammogram and ultrasound and the films to a Breast Specialist.  There was no doctor in my network in the area where I live. 
I met with a Breast Specialist at a local hospital who was out of my network.  After my first visit with her, she wanted me to schedule a biopsy for both breasts – to range the cysts and take little piece out of the solid lump.  I had it done at a Cancer Center and came home terrified because of all of the needles stabbing me.  Both of my breasts were purple and blue. 
The results came back and said that I had cancer.  I met my doctor and discussed more about what we were going to do next.  At this time my dear husband was with me at the meeting with the doctor, so we could both understand and hear all that the doctor had to say.
When I heard the news, I was calm and rational, thinking I have to take care of myself.  I came home and shared the news with my family.  Everybody was shocked because I am the healthiest person in our family.  Everybody kept their feelings and worries for me inside. They made it sound and look like it was not a big deal.  I have asked my family (mine and my husband’s family) to keep this as secret as possible.  I didn’t want anyone to talk to me about it and/or show pity for me.  To this day, people outside my workplace, still don’t know what I went through, especially my church.  I know I need a lot of prayers, but I didn’t want to share with the people I know.
Now I know that I have Breast Cancer.  I have to treat it, but don’t know what kind of procedures I should do – lumpectomy or mastectomy?  What cancer center I am comfortable going to for my treatment?  I didn’t like the cancer center that I went to for the biopsy.  I don’t think they understand and take it easy for the patients.  That was definitely not the place for me.  I went back and sought advice from the people at work, who I called my ANGELS.  Because where I work there are a lot of doctors and smart people, people that can give me the best advice.  One of the places a lot of people suggested was Sloan Kettering Cancer Center in New York.
I called Sloan Kettering and made an appointment with one of their Breast Specialist Doctors for a second opinion.  I didn’t know any of the doctors there, so whoever they assigned me with that was the doctor I had.  I brought my results and films to her.  She basically said the same things my local doctor said.  At that moment, I decided to have the surgery and breasts reconstruction at Sloan Kettering in NY.
Let me explain little about Breast Reconstruction.  Because I have breast cancer, and had a double mastectomy (removed boths breast); insurance would cover breast reconstruction.  The Breast Specialist Doctor only removes all the breast glands, fat, and skin close to the chest muscle and bone.  At the same time as the double mastectomy, the Plastic Surgeon would also be there and do his job (putting in the expanders (a bag) under my chest muscles).  A week or two after the surgery I had to go into the Plastic Surgeon’s office to inject more saline into those expanders.  Each time they only inject a certain amount of saline into those bags because after they inject the saline, my chest muscle will expand out and that will cause chest pain.
From the time I found out to the time I had my surgery was exactly 2 months.  I was so busy looking for doctors, traveling, talking to the insurance company (to make sure they would pay for the whole thing), and getting approval to take a leave of absence from work that I didn’t have time to think about what is going on inside of me or to feel sad for myself.
On the day of the surgery, my husband and three of my younger sisters were there with me.  My sisters and I lost our Mom in a car accident when we were very, very young. That’s why we are always together for everything.  I prayed and worried on the way into New York.  I prayed and wished that the doctors would say that I didn’t need surgery.  But my prayer didn’t get the answer I wanted.  The surgery was 4 hours and thank GOD, everything went well.  The doctor found that one of the lymph nodes, under my right armpit was infected.  Therefore, she removed all my lymph nodes on my right side.  I stayed in the hospital for 3 days.  It was hard to move around to go to the bathroom or to sit up to eat.  But I pushed myself to overcome my pain. 
The most horrible thing was when I saw my wounds for the first time.  The nurse opened my bra and I looked down to see myself.  I wanted to cry, but I didn’t because of the shock it gave me.  I was motionless for a moment.  They had removed my breasts close to the bone.  The wounds are long, from armpit to armpit.  I looked worse than a boy. Two drainages came out from both sides of my body.  I wanted to scream out loud and ask God why he is doing this me.  I was very sad.  But I was able to hold it in because my sisters were there.  I had to be strong for them.  I didn’t want them to worry for me.  After three days, I felt better with moving around and less sad.
At home my husband and my three sisters were there and helped me by cooking, cleaning the house, taking care of my little son, Eric, cleaning my drains, washing my hair, and cleaning my body for me for a good two weeks.  I didn’t do anything, that’s why the wounds were healing fast – no infection at all.  I slept better when the drains were out.  I went in to see my Plastic Surgeon in New York every single week to inject more saline for the breast expanders.
About a month after my surgery, I met with an Oncologist at Memorial Sloan-Kettering Center in Basking Ridge, New Jersey because the Breast Doctor found one lymph node was infected.  That meant I needed chemo, but I didn’t need radiation.  Radiation is only for those who removed part of their breast or had only one breast removed.  I had removed both of mine.  The Oncologist decided to put me on TAC every 2 weeks for 3 months, a total of 18 sessions.  For the chemo, I needed a good vein, but I didn’t have one.  I went to a local hospital to put a Medi Port in my chest (right below my collar bone on my left side).  I began my chemo right away.  Routinely, every time I went  in they drew my blood, weighed me, and put in a connector to the Medi Port for the chemo.  With every chemo session my body reacted differently.  Nausea, vomiting, loss of appetite, hair loss (including body hair), mouth sores, vaginal infections, bone pain, and constipation. 
The first session, I couldn’t sleep for 2 nights because of my body’s reaction to the drugs.  My whole body shook.  My husband held me closed to his body.  He thought I was cold and he held me so I’d stop shaking.  That first time, I didn’t know what to do.  I didn’t call the doctor.  I thought that if I took Tylenol PM it would help me fall sleep.   The next day I called the doctor’s office to let them know.  They said the chemo drugs are new to my body and the drugs did not agree with the Tylenol PM, that is what caused the shaking.
At that time, I had cut my hair short, to shoulder length.  In the past, I kept my hair very long, down the middle of my back because it was so thick and straight.  After the second chemo session, my hair started falling out by few strings on the pillows when I slept, and then a lot when I combed my hair.  The last day before I shaved my head I ran my fingers through my hair, I only had 1/3 left.  I was tired of picking up that hair and I asked my husband to do me a favor and shave my head.  He did it with loving and care of touch.  I didn’t want to go to the salon.  I didn’t want anybody to know that I was sick and have them pity me.
I was home for six months for the Breast Cancer treatments.  That was such a long time off for me to not work, seeing no body, not taking part in family activities.  My husband had no job at that time.  Yes, I got all the help at home, but we had no money.  I sat at the family room window looking outside every day, waiting for my son and my sisters to come home.  I was home when the trees were just turning green up until all the leaves fell off.  I had prayed to God to give me strength, and good health, so that I can return to the lifestyle I had before.  I wanted to go to work just like every woman at my age out there.  They had works, kids, shopping, cooking, and places to go every day.  I wanted that life.
After the last chemo session, I wanted to return to work that next week even though my health was not perfect yet.  I still have some side effects from the last chemo.  But I am very happy to be back to work, to talk to other people, to dress up so that I can feel more confident about myself.  Luckily, my co-workers bought me a very stylish wig that I can wear to work, or any social or business event.  When I returned to work, it was also almost year-end.  My supervisor wanted me to use up some vacation days for the year-end because I didn’t have a chance to use any of it.  I told my supervisor that I didn’t want to stay home any more.  I don’t have money to go to anywhere for vacation.  Just let it go.  I am willing to lost it.  Now you know how much I hate to be at home.  It is such a waste of time.  Anyway, my supervisor allowed to me carry-over all my vacation days to next year.
After awhile I felt very good.  Besides taking the Tamoxafin for 5 years and all the vitamins I need for my bones, I wanted to finish my last year business.  I went back to meet with the Plastic Surgeon and asked for the permanent implants.  We did it.  The doctor took out the expanders and put in the shaped silicone 410.  Don’t laugh at me.  I was an A size.  Good for an Asian girl.  Thinking this is my chance to make them bigger like all other women dream of, I told the doctor “I want my C cup”.  So when we got out of the Operating Room and the nurse opened my bra for a check-up I looked down at my new best friends.  I told my doctor that they look small.  I want bigger. J  My doctor just laughed at me – didn’t say anything and left.  Now I understand what he did is good for me.  It looks just right – perfect for my look.  I had to trust him.  He is the Head of the Plastic Surgery Department at Memorial Sloan-Kettering Cancer Center.  He has to be good.
As a young woman, I am facing this disease.  Let me share with you a very important thing.  There are not a lot of people who realize that a young woman, who has cancer, after chemo sessions have lost their menstrual period for good.  We have to face menopause at the age of 30 or even younger.  That means we cannot have kids.  Luckily, my period came back very consistently.  I have brought up the fact that I’d like to have another baby to my Oncologist and she was mad a me.  Two things: 1) I would have to stop taking the Tamoxafin for over a month because my body needs to clean out those toxins before we try to have a baby.  I don’t want to harm my baby.  If I don’t take the Tamoxafin, my blood cells can spread cancer to other parts.  2) I can stop taking the Tamoxafin and then retake it after the baby is born.  That is very high risk to do because I might be faced with a different cancer after having my second baby, leaving my husband to raise 2 kids.  Or my baby might not be normal because of the toxins in me.  So bottom line, I have to finish my 5 years with Tamoxafin.  If it is God’s will, we will have another baby after that.
My advice for those who are facing this cancer or any type of cancer, stay positive, go out in public more, wear make-up even when you are at home, be a strong person to your family, even thought you feel like …  Remember, your family feels more sad, worried, and stressed than you.  Thank GOD that HE is giving this cross to us, not to your family members.  HE knows we can bear this cross.  If not, ask HIM to carry it for you.  HE never gives us anything we can not do.  Our GOD is good.  HE is never doing this to punish us.  HE loves us.

Yen P.


Yen submitted her story to us in February of 2009. Sadly, on June 21, 2010, Yen lost her fight against breast cancer. She was 32 years old and is survived by her husband and young son.
I have heard so many stories about people who’ve had Breast Cancer.  What a hard time they went through.  My heart and my prayers are always with them.  But I never thought I would have to face it until one day.  I lay in bed waiting for my husband to finish brushing his teeth.  I tested both of my breast from the armpits to the nipple because I had never done it before and was never serious about testing myself.  I just pressed and walked my fingers down to the end.  I found a small lump, like the tip of a pen, next to my aerola.   I started to worry and hoped nothing was wrong. 
I am only 30 years old, perfectly healthy and I am very active.  I just had a son about 2 years ago.  My family background has no cancer at all. My mom’s mother (Thank God) is in her 80’s and is in perfect health.
Yen's Family